Shadows of Hogwarts
by shattered windows
Summary: Lily's a person, a person who seems to be a shadow. James is a person, a person who always shines. Their worlds, once so seperate, are becoming closer and closer whether they like it or not. LJ R
1. One Hell of a Ride

Shadows of Hogwarts

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters you recognize from J.K. Rowling's books. Please do not sue me.I was always one for the shadows. Even when I was a child, I never showed off. In my first school, I always hid in the darkness. Nobody ever noticed I was there. But I was. My name always seemed to brush their minds and then just disappear. Even the teachers forgot me easily. I was invisible, but I was observant. I could tell you everything about anybody in Hogwarts. No one saw me, but I saw everybody.I was different. I wore clothing that made me look like a tomboy, a prep, a punk, and a goth all mixed together. If anyone noticed me, they would raise their eyebrows, and look at me like, "What is wrong with you?" I acted like I didn't exist. I was quiet. I was mysterious.My parents hated me because of this. They wanted a showgirl like Petunia, somebody they could show off to all their friends. I never wanted to be cooed at and I didn't have anything that they could brag about to their friends. I was always told that Petunia was better than me, Petunia had _such _high grades, and Petunia had so many more friends than me. I was always told that I was stupid and useless.I didn't have any friends. I didn't want any either. To me, friends were just people who talked behind your back and used you to get whatever they wanted. I didn't trust anybody. I never felt safe.  
  
The closest thing I had to a friend was Petunia. She was always there for me to cry on, even though she could have been like my parents. Petunia was my secret-keeper. She was just so kind and I envied her in so many ways. As the years went by, she and I started to fall apart because our minds and bodies were just too different.I had deep auburn hair with deep emerald eyes. Dark lashes curled around my eyes and I grew tall and slender. My skin was pale, almost too pale. I didn't look like the rest of the family. Everyone looked just like Petunia, with her blond eyes and sharp grey eyes. My mother and Petunia both had the perfect bodies and had golden tanned skin. I never questioned the difference. After all, we were Irish so it wasn't surprising that I looked the way I did.

When I got my letter from Hogwarts, you could say that my parents were surprised. Not surprised that I was a witch, but surprised I had something that Petunia would never have. It took them two months before they finally realized that. "Wow. My daughter is an abnormal being."

My parents didn't congratulate me at all. They just laughed. And laughed. They both thought it was some prank. Petunia comforted me, but I could see that she couldn't accept that I was a witch. I didn't think she would ever. They dropped me in London, with 100 pounds a few weeks before the supposed train left. Only Petunia looked back as they all left. Never in my life did I feel so alone.  
  
I spent the first days wandering the streets, just simply trying to find the Leaky Cauldron. I found it eventually, after tailing an odd man in an emerald robe.I entered it looking stunned that my letter wasn't a joke. Magic existed.The weeks I was there were truly the most interesting days I'd ever had. I prowled around Diagon Alley all day, and discovered so many things that I thought never existed. I found books of spells, owls that would send letters, candy that actually moved, creatures that I though were just my imagination, and the strangest clothing. I spent my nights staring up at the dark-colored ceiling of my room in the Leaky Cauldron reflecting on my days. Every day was greeted with joy.I wanted to stay there forever. I hailed a taxi to take me to Kings Cross Station. I was practically shaking with fear and excitement. Finally I felt as if I belonged somewhere in this world. I was the happiest I'd felt in a very long time.I got on the train with a heart light with hopes that I might actually be happy in this strange new world. There, I met the best friends I would ever have. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew found me and brought light to my world. They didn't criticize me for looking "weird" and they accepted me.James was the heir of a whole line of Aurors (who were what I believed, the wizarding police). He had black messed-up hair with hazel eyes that were so clear. He was the sports fanatic of the group and was obsessed with something they called "Quiddich".Sirius was already somewhat handsome with dark brown hair that had an elegant touch to them and lighter brownish eyes. I didn't believe it at the time, but his family was full of dark wizards. How someone as nice as Sirius ended up in that kind of family was shocking to me.Remus had grey eyes with light brown hair that had streaks of darkish colors in it. He was mysterious to me, and he was so gentle. I knew that something was bothering him throughout the train trip, but I never asked.   
  
Peter didn't have the elegance of Sirus, gentleness of Remus, or the pure beauty of James. He had dusty blond hair and aquamarine eyes. Peter didn't seem to be special in anyway. Perhaps that was the reason why he always was looking up to the other three. However, I found that he was almost as observant as I as the years swept by.I entered the Great Hall laughing at their antics. They gave me a heads- up on life in the wizarding world, as they were all "pure-blood" wizards. I knew what would happen in the "Sorting Ceremony" as they called it. When Professor McGonagall called my name, I stood with my head held high and I put the Sorting Hat on.The hat spoke to me. It was surprised that I was a muggleborn (as he called me) and I had so much power and potential. I let it open to all my thoughts, wanting to be put in a "house" that would have students just like me. After what seemed like hours, it gave me choice. Later I was told that it wasn't common that the Sorting Hat would let people choose their houses. I was given the choice of Slytherin or Gryffindor. Gryffindor seemed to be more open while Slytherin seemed more conservative. My choice was Gryffindor.All my new friends were put into Gryffindor as well. That night, I stood staring out at the starry night through my window. A shooting star flew past me. I wished that these friends would never betray me and that the wizarding world was indeed right for me. And it truly was.The next day, I was excited to see what I would learn here. I woke up far earlier than my dorm mates, who I learned were named Alice Prewitt, Jennifer Adams, Emmeline Vance, Claire Silverstone, and Ella Kim. James was already in the common room. We walked down to breakfast, all the while talking about everything. I eagerly walked to my first class, which was Transfiguration.I wasn't actually the worst, which I admit I was quite shocked about. In fact, I was probably one of the first ones to do my first spell. We were to change a feather to a quill. James turned out to be stellar in this subject as well as Sirius. They both looked so natural chanting the spells.The next class, Charms, turned to be my best subject of all. We were to charm a piece of parchment into flying across the room. Mine flew the farthest and my joy seemed to bring me through the day.Defense Against the Dark Arts was next. I was enthralled with this class, even though I wasn't nearly the best. Our teacher, Professor Hayde, was kind and she seemed to know everything. Sirius hates her, because she deducted 10 points from him for passing notes with James. Personally, I thought that it was somewhat right for her to take away points. Remus and I were the only ones who actually didn't pass notes.Potions was the subject that James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all hated. The teacher, Professor Slipworth, despised all the houses except for Slytherin. I suppose that this was the first time that I felt discrimination against myself for being a muggleborn. Even though I managed to make the potion perfectly (which all the boys gave me envious looks for), I still lost points for muttering while I worked. Sirius and James both lost points for talking and not concentrating. By then, both were so angry at the teacher that they ranted on and on about him after class was over. They claimed that they were going to pull a prank on him the next day. I didn't think much of it.Peter was by far the best at Herbology. While he was average in the other classes, he seemed to know everything in this class. The teacher, Professor Sprout, seemed to adore him.

First year went by like this. By the end of the year, Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were known throughout the school as the Marauders. They pulled pranks on all the teachers and more commonly on the Slytherins. I became the best student in our year, and I occasionally helped the Marauders pull pranks. I was full of joy, knowing that I finally belonged in our world. /p  
  
I went home to the summer, excited about Hogwarts. Petunia was the only one who really shared my enthusiasm. My parents ignored me as usual and I was invited to the Potters for the month before school. Mum and Dad willingly let me go, but I noticed that Petunia became somewhat sad about me leaving again. I told her that I would contact her more often during the school year. I received and sent a letter each week to Petunia. I learned of her heartbreaks and joys. We became closer than we ever were.  
  
Second year passed almost as quickly as first year did. Sirius and James started dating girls that year. That year, Remus, James, Sirius, and I made the Quidditch team. Remus was a beater along with Sirius, and James and I were Chasers. Peter was our supporter during the Quidditch season. That was the year that the Marauders really started drilling their memory into the students of Hogwarts. I had the highest grades of the year. James commonly teased me because of my studious nature and grades.   
  
Third year was the year that our troubles really began. I started separating from the group and became best friends with the girls in my dorms. My best friend was Ella Kim. The Marauders were the most popular people of the year. I made more and more friends as the year went by. James and Sirius started changing girls every few weeks. They were dead handsome and girls began dreaming about them.   
  
By the time fourth year started, I was a totally different person. Shadows once again became my refuge and I grew distant from the world. Petunia was the only person I stayed in contact with. I still played Quidditch, but it lost some of its excitement. It seemed as if the only reason why I lived was to study. James and Sirius started their girl-a-week routine. I started hating them that year.   
  
Fifth year was the worst year of my life, or so I thought then. James started becoming obsessed with me, and I lost my best girlfriend to pure jealousy. The Marauders were no longer my friends. Even though I talked to Remus and Peter sometimes, I no longer felt any connection to Sirius or James anymore. James and Sirius dated more and more girls. I lost all respect for them.   
  
During the summer of that year, James apologized to me and the Marauders and I became close friends again. But I knew times would never be the same  
  
So now here I am, starting my sixth year. Who knows what'll happen this year. All I know is that it's going to be one hell of a ride.


	2. the Dark Lord

Shadows of Hogwarts

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.K. Rowling's series. Period.

* * *

I woke up quite miserably to the morning of September 1st. For some odd reason, I woke up at 5:30, hours before the actual train left. Maybe it was just my nerves. Either way, I knew that today would be the day that I would have to leave the Leaky Cauldron and join the real world. And by the way, I wasn't excited to leave.  
  
Like all the other years of Hogwarts, my parents dropped me in London weeks before the train left, with money of course. This year, they dropped me by Buckingham Palace, and then left for their happy home in Surrey. I had become used to London, having been able to explore it for those weeks before school started.  
  
It only took me around a day of walking to get to the Leaky Cauldron. And I finished all my early school shopping in one fun day. Then I went around London, visiting random places such as St. Mongos, the Tower of London, and Westminster Alley. During that time, I saw all my dorm mates, who all refuse to say a word to me. I wasn't really surprised.  
  
James sent me a few letters during the summer, telling me that he was sorry that we weren't friends anymore, and apologizing for last year's events. He told me that he was was "over" me and all he wanted to do was to be my best friend again.

We regularly exchanged letters during that time. The Marauder's letters always made me laugh and I kept them in a box, with all the photographs and notes we passed during class. They sent some letters a few days ago.

_Dear Lily, _

_How's life? We're all fine except for Padfoot who's always sugar-happy here. We didn't see you in Diagon Alley yesterday, when we went to go get everything. _

_I think we all miss you keep us sane. Siripoo here has made a list of girls he wants to date, saying that he needs to have a schedule of girls. Moony's has called him a womanizing bastard already. If you wanted to know, Ella Kim's on that list. Moony's fretting about not knowing the material. We're all assuring him that he's already one of the smartest in our class. Wormtail's been all smiles, knowing that we're going to Hogwarts in a few days. I still don't understand why he could be happy going to McGonagall and __Slipworth__Land__. Not to mention assignments. And I'm here watching my so-called friends go insane._

_Peter's not here anymore, because his parents insisted he was being influenced by us. I wonder what they mean...._

_We're all excited to see you again at Hogwarts. Did you notice that yesterday was a full moon? We had a hell of a time running in the woods behind my house. Maybe next year you can come here too._

_James_

**_Lily, _**

**_I can't wait to go bug Filch and Norris again. Filch (that bastard) must pay for stealing the Marauders Map! We will take it back if it's the last thing we do. We're on our 411th detention, and we only have a little to go until we break the record! I can't wait to hear Minnie announce our amazing feat!_**

**_If you wanted to know, Jamesie keeps on muttering "Lily" through the night. He claims that he doesn't like you, but you should see his face when we accuse him of liking our Lily. He's as bright a tomato. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you! _**_Shut up! I'm over Lily! **No you aren't! **Yes I am! **No you aren't! **_

**_I just read Prongs's letter. How did he know about my list? Is Jamesie spying on me? How could he? By the way, Remie can't write because he and Prongs are shag-Okay, okay! Don't stab me wolf-boy! _**

**_Prongise has steam coming out of his ears. Must run before he kills me!_**

**_Padf-AHHH!! _**

I chuckled as I tucked the letters into the box. My clothes and books were already packed, and I had to do was wait. And wait.

I got to the train early, early enough that I was the first in the Prefects Cabin. My hands automatically grabbed a book and within seconds, I was curled up on a large armchair, reading.

Remus came to join me. He looked a little pale and all. We talked quietly, but I could tell that we were still a little tense around each other. When the prefect's meeting ended, I went with Remus to the famous Marauders cabin.

I opened the door to see James and Sirius covered with girls in the "James and Sirius Fan Club". The leader was Jennifer Adams, and you could see that she got first dibs on James.

Adams was a beauty. Her long blonde hair fell onto a classical figure. Jennifer's eyes was a clear aquamarine, and was accented by mascara. Her face needed little makeup, as it was stunning enough. As a pureblood, her clothes were impeccable. Every year she was known as the most beautiful girl in the year. And it was true.

Her best friend, Claire Silverstone, was almost as pretty as Adams. She had rich brown hair with lighter streaks through it. Green-hazel eyes always held a glow that everyone loved. Her figure was breath-taking and her skin was tanned.

Silverstone was currently sitting in Sirius's lap while Adams did the same on James. Girls from all four houses cooed around them while Peter was sitting in the very corner, trying to avoid them.

Adams saw me first. She ignored me as usual. So did everyone except for Remus and Peter. We talked and laughed about the new school year. I could tell that I wasn't invited to stay for long, so I left.

All the compartments were filled by students that I didn't know, except for one. Ella Kim was all alone, reading. We never made up after fifth year, when James became obsessed with me. Apparently, he was over me now and all he wanted to be was friends.

I asked, "Can I sit here?" She raised her head and nodded. We sat in silence, with both of us reading. I wanted to talk about last year. All summer, I had been bothered by our friendship. Ella was a great friend, and a boy shouldn't have stood in the way of our friendship. And then she broke the silence.

"What do you want Lily?" Ella asked, sounding weary.

I took a deep breath and said, "I wanted to say sorry for last year. Our friendship shouldn't have been broken by-James. Or anybody. Maybe I should have even put him down more. But please forgive me."  
  
****

**.:.Flashback.:.**

"LILY! WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND JAMES?" Ella hollered. I tried to hide, knowing that she had a huge crush on him.

"Answer me!" She commanded. I told her nothing was going on. He just kept on asking me out, and I didn't want a boyfriend. I could tell that she believed I was lying.

"You know I have a crush on him. If you were a good friend, you would have pointed me out to him instead of you." Ella said. Before I knew it, we were having a screaming match.

In the end, all I remembered was Ella screaming "CONSIDER THIS FRIENDSHIP _OVER!_"

**.:.End Flashback.:.**

Something in Ella's eyes flickered as I told her my truth. More silence occurred and I began to think she still thought I was lying, when she smiled.

Nothing could make us forget those months of hatred, those horrible days. I had no friends, while Ella still had her other friends. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep.

We avoided the subject of our friendship, but we knew that it would come up sometime or another.

"I can't believe that you like _Sirius_ now.

"Who doesn't?"

"Most sane people."

"How do you define sane?"

"People that don't go squealing around normal people."

"Sirius isn't normal. He's the hottest guy ever to exist.

"That's what you said about James."

When we finally got the Great Hall, I went automatically to the end of the Gryffindor table. Before I could claim my usual seat, Remus forced me into the head of the table, where all the richer and more popular students sat. Unfortunately, I was in a position in which nearly everyone in the Great Hall could see me.

Ella sat in the back, dejected as she sat alone in the back.  
  
Sirius and James were discussing the last World Cup, while Remus, Peter, and I were immersed in our own thoughts. Then the first-years came.  
  
For once, the ceremony went quickly and the food came. I wasn't hungry at all. I hardly ate, even when James and Sirius offered everything.

The girls in my dorm paid no attention to me, except for Ella. My bed was the one under the window, the farthest away from the door and from everybody else.  
  
I fell to sleep early, and woke at dawn. There was nothing for me to do at 5 o' clock in the morning except to read.

The Astronomy Tower is truly a wonderful place when there aren't people constantly snogging in there. If you go at night, you can see the stars all above you. Dawn's the best time in my opinion. No one's there to bother you and it's wonderful being out there. It's the place I usually go to read and do my homework. Contrary to popular belief, I only go to the library to borrow books or study when the Tower is being used by couples.

I was there for hours it seemed. There wasn't school until Monday, so I had Saturday and Sunday to myself. Everything was peaceful, until I heard giggling and stomping up the stairs. My inner sense told me it was a couple, so I grabbed my book and headed down. Not surprisingly, it was Adams and Diggory. They didn't notice me, and I sighed in relief.

Breakfast was a quick meal and I went outside for more fresh air. When I saw the Quiddich Pitch, I was filled with an overwhelming longing to play again. My summer was without being able to be in the air. Within minutes, I was launching from the ground into the beautiful air. My happiness surrounded me and I practiced playing with an invisible person.

I flew for hours, when the Marauders joined me. We joked and practiced until lunch. James and I played chaser, Peter played Seeker, Remus played keeper, and Sirius played beater. It was a blast, and we were all grins when we started eating our lunch, sandwichs and pumpkin juice.

* * *

Before I knew it, all us 6th years were swept up in our studies. Along with that Quiddich tryouts and practice were starting. This year we needed a new chaser, keeper, and beater.

"What the fuck are you doing Hirshberg? Are you trying to let the quaffle into the ring?" James yelled into the air. Janice Edmund, our 4th year seeker, and I laughed as the poor boy was being harassed by James. It was obvious that he wasn't going to make it in.

"Come on idiot! Don't be so chicken! Go to the ball, don't fly away from the ball!"

"What the heck is your problem with Quiddich? If you knew that you were this horrible, you shouldn't have even come! Even Snape would fly better than you are!"

All the kids were being put down by James, and he continued to say that none of them would meet his standards.

"I don't think anything will meet his standards." I whispered to Janice. She giggled. Finally, he seemed to realize that we wouldn't be able to play, if we couldn't find people to fill in the missing places. Because of that, he started to critisize less cruelly, and we began to choose people.

Sirius ditched us so it was only Janice, James, and I. Within seconds, our "discussion" turned into an all out fight between Janice and James. I simply stood by the sidelines, not wanting to get into this fight.

"James! Charles was great! What do you mean he was the worst you've ever seen? He was the perfect keeper!" Janice screamed.

"No he wasn't! He missed half the balls Lily sent him. Carly only missed 3!" James declared.

"No she didn't! You only like her cause she's 'pretty'!"

"Yes she did! That's not true! _You_ only like Charles cause he's 'cute'!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

And they blabbered on. Finally we picked the group, after half blowing up the common room with hexes and screams. Charles Tundrap (James fumed for hours over the fact that Janice won) was our keeper, Kyra James was our chaser, and Andy Devor was our beater.

* * *

One morning, after a hilarious prank from the Marauders, the Owl Post came. I was looking through my mail and suddenly I dropped everything. Plate and goblet shattered on the floor as the whole of Hogwarts came to turn at me. A letter came from Petunia, the first of the year.

_Dear Lily, _

_I don't know what's going on. I've been getting letters from this guy named the Dark Lord. He's been threatening me, saying that he's been following me and unless you go to a place called Hog's Head on the next Hogsmeade weekend, he'll kill our family and me. _

_I've been getting phone calls threatening me constantly and mail too. I feel like I'm forced to open every note and listen to every message. Mum and Dad have no idea that I've been getting this. I would tell them, but I'm scared that they'll force you out of your Hogwarts because of this. _

_Help me Lily! I don't know what he can do. Who is this guy? Is he from your world? All I know is that he's stalking me, and I think I'm going nuts. Please Lily. Help us all._

_Love, _

_Petunia_

I was scared no less. Petunia was the only person who really understood me, even more than James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter ever head. My head was spinning. There was really only one person who would call himself the Dark Lord.

Lately in the Daily Prophet, there were reportings of this new wizard that suddenly appeared that was the strongest dark wizard. People were dying from him, and top Aurors seemed unable to fight him. No one could stand from him. His name was being feared by all. He was called Voldemort.

I knew that if I went, I probably wouldn't return alive. I was a Muggleborn, a mudblood in his opinion. What did I have that he wanted? There was really nothing that I had, that he didn't have.

My mind was rolling throughout the whole day. Words didn't seem to make sense to me, and I didn't hear anybody calling my name.

"Lily! Come on! Come back to Earth!" James tried.

"Lily! Can you even hear me?" Sirius asked.

All of them tried desperately to get my attention, but it didn't prevail. It seemed as if I didn't understand what they were saying and my mind was constantly thinking about what Petunia wrote in her letter.

I was afraid to tell Professer Dumbledore and especially the Marauders. They wouldn't understand or they would ditch me again. My eyes scanned the letter over and over in the dorm.

Suddenly, someone grabbed the letter out of my vision. It was Adams. She sneered as she said, "Now let's see what Miss Lily Evans was so shocked about." By the time she finished the letter, she was trembling. I wondered why.

Miss Popular, the most beautiful girl in the whole bloody school, and the famous Jennifer Adams shook in front of me and whispered, "He has me too."

* * *

Authors Note

So how was that? I hope you all liked it. Here are the thank you notes for the last chapter:

_ZombieGurl98:_ _I hoped you liked this chapter. Thanks for the review!_

_Kat-Firefly: Thanks! I'm trying to make this story different from most other stories in terms of the plot too. I hope it's working. _

_da90chic: Thanks. This story will be mostly centered around Lily because it's in first-person. Of course we know that James will get with Lily later on, but for a while, everything's going to be around Lily. _

_EvanescentLife: You're a git. I can't read your review cause someone glares didn't use the enter key. I tried to make it fast cause I was too lazy to do anything otherwise. Can you imagine if I went slowly through every chapter? That would probably take up 10 pages. And there's no way I'm writing that long of a chapter. Did this chapter go to fast for your liking? I think I'm going to e-mail a revised version of the story that goes super fast just to bug you. Miss you in __Taiwan__. No English people to talk to. Gr. _

**.:.Update.:.**

I've revised this chapter because it was...._horrible._ How do you like it now?

Review Please!


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